I NEED MY SLEEP!!

Today's post is in response to a comment.  Trish would like to know what to do about a screaming baby.  However, her neighbor is a single mom and does not speak English.

This is a tough one.  You seem to have several barriers to overcome here. 

How you deal with this really depends on how involved you want to get with your neighbor.  If are in a place you plan on living for a long time and it appears your neighbor will as well then you may want to get more involved but if you are planning on moving soon you may just want to go through management.

If you live in a building with good management often they will have a resident mediation service, however this is fairly rare.  To find out if they offer this service just ask to the property manager.

If your apartment does not have this service, you will need either to learn her language or bring in some sort of third party assistance.  No matter how you proceed, you will need to prepare yourself before you meet with your neighbor.

Read the earlier post about dealing with your neighbor.  Be clear about what is bothering you and remain calm.  Have a plan for how you will proceed.  You may want to do some research and see if anyone else has some solutions. 

Remember what I said about getting involved?  This may be out of your comfort zone, but knowing single moms myself, I know they would never turn down a good neighbor that would be willing to watch their child for a little bit from time to time

If you belong to a church or to some other social organization see if anyone speaks her language and would be willing to help you out.

Ultimately, it is going to take a group effort because of the barriers you have to overcome.  Many times single moms just get so narrowly focused on what goes on inside their own walls because they just have too much to deal with.  Additionally, a language barrier does not help anything.  I have had plenty of neighbors that were just not very bright and that made things more difficult.  Hopefully your neighbor is brighter than some of mine have been.

I hope this helps.  If you don’t mind a slow paced resolution get to know her as best you can and invite her over for a cup of tea (coffee, soda, or even water works too) and talk as best as you can.  Have her bring her child and you can get to know the tike at the same time and see how they interact.  Often a change of scenery and activity will help a kid sleep better night.  Additionally, this will give you the chance to see if the child has any developmental complications.  This may not assist you in finding a solution but it will at least give you some insight into her world.

The bottom line is that you need your sleep and how you go about achieving this goal depends on your plan.

 

Please post back with an update if you have one.

Neighborly Interactions

I have spent a lot of time talking about THAT guy lately so I wanted to see what other people thought about THAT guy.  I came across this excellent website that dissects THAT guy.


Check out thatguy.com!

Situations Not Involving THAT Guy

The suggestions from yesterdays post will work for all settings but THAT guy situations are the most irritating and most common in apartment settings.  You can use these skills in cordial settings as well.

For example, if you are shy about greeting new neighbors or talking to neighbors while going to and from your apartment, these skills can prove useful.  Have a plan.  Know how you will greet or talk to your neighbor.  Instead of spouting a quick “hello” while digging in your purse for something that does not exist have the resolve to stand up straight, give a little smile, and give a thoughtful “hello.”  A good salutation can make you feel good about yourself and can make the difference in someone’s day.  Being specific and remaining calm are more important for longer conversations.

Often a chatty neighbor is just someone that is not specific or calm when trying to say what he or she wants to say.  A number of times I have had the privilege of chattering on in front of my door with a neighbor when I just want to get inside and sit down.  A chatty neighbor is far from being a THAT guy and a good chat can be nice from time to time. 

If you are a chatty neighbor, try to be specific about one or two things.  Instead of asking about the weather in general ask something like, “have you ever seen this much rain?” or, “do you think it will ever stop snowing?”  This allows your neighbor to give a quick answer if they need to move along and allows you to give a quick “good day.”  This will also permits your neighbor to add to the conversation if they would like to chat longer.  If this happens, feel free to chat away but remain calm.

Often a neighbor can chatter on and on without ever getting to a point.  If this sound like you just relax.  If your neighbor has added to your metrological query then allow him or her to continue.  Be sure to interject a question here and there and remember to breathe. 

Remember how you see a situation and how you experience things will often differ greatly for your neighbor and especially THAT guy.  If you approach the any situation with this ideal and apply these skills, you will always come out on top.  However, if you use these skills and still cannot get the results you want please stay tuned.  There will be much more to read about neighbor relationships. 

If you have any THAT guy stories or humors neighborly interactions please comment or drop me a line.

Dealing With THAT Guy

Many of us apartment dwellers know, dealing with neighbors is a delicate situation even in the best of circumstances. However, with a little understanding and a plan you can overcome any neighbor situation. Remember three things when dealing with a neighbor:

• Have a plan

• Be specific

• Remain calm even when it seems impossible

These tips apply whether you are welcoming a new neighbor to the building, engaging in cordial interactions, or dealing with THAT guy.

Have a Plan

First, have a plan. When dealing with a neighbor have a plan of what you will do when you approach your neighbor. I dread having to do the 3AM door knock when I know I have an meeting first thing in the morning.  "I will give THAT guy five more minutes and then I am REALLY going to say something." Having a plan starts here. Know your threshold for taking action.

Here is a common situation. Do you remember your noise machine from yesterday’s post? If you can hear THAT guy over your "barrier" know when you will react. Once again, remember there is a certain level of noise you cannot avoid. Even I have been careless and left my volume up on my computer while using headphones and when I use the speakers, it blasts for a second or two until I turn it down. Please, forgive your neighbor for that. However, if the volume does not go down set a time limit or a number of occurrences if THAT guy is making a sporadic noise. Once you reach this point act! Not having a plan and not knowing when to act will make it impossible for you to address the specific issue or to remain calm.

Make sure to have a plan for dealing with THAT guy. This is where being specific and remaining calm come into play. You must know how you will address the situation. If THAT guy has the music up so loud your knock cannot be heard have the resolve to knock again. When THAT guy comes to the door be specific about what is bothering you.

Be Specific

Second, when speaking to any neighbor be specific about what is bothering you. Instead of saying, “Pardon me THAT guy but can you turn your music down,” try saying, “I can hear the lyrics from your music in my bedroom and I have a meeting first thing in the morning. Can you please turn your music down?” By making this a specific issue you have focused the even on how you are affected and not on how THAT guy lives his or her life.

Remain Calm

Finally, remaining calm can prove difficult even in cordial settings. However, when dealing with THAT guy, getting upset and taking off to the bang on the door just to have a confrontation outside THAT guys apartment will do less to deliver the results you want and do more to foster long term resentment. This resentment will make it difficult to resolve later issues or to work toward eliminating them all together.

How to Avoid Common Apartment Noise Problems

Having lived in apartments for years the number one complaint comes from noise.  You cannot avoid noise no matter how well insulated the apartment.  However, one can avoid noise and noisiness with a few well-mannered considerations.

For the apartment dweller, invest in a noise machine.  These machines range from around $20 and go up from there.  A little low level noise can drown out most common apartment noises.  Additionally, this gives you, the apartment dweller, a way to gauge whether or not a neighbor is just too noisy to ignore any longer.  Please stay tuned for dealing with unruly neighbors.

For the unruly neighbor, do you really want to be THAT guy?  Always keep in mind that not everyone likes your music quite as much as you do.  Your neighbor like your music even less if you are enjoying it at four in the morning.

To avoid becoming THAT guy, try some of these tips.

Music & Television

Most noise disturbance comes from stereo and television speakers.  Noise that transmits through walls is most often low-level and comes from the subwoofer on a stereo and from a similar speaker in the television.  Many times the volume level in the offending apartment is appropriate but walls and second story floors can amplify these sounds.  The offender may not even know that he or she is THAT guy.  To avoid transmitting sounds outside of your space make sure all speakers or speaker hosing is not in contact with the wall or floor. 

To accomplish this, place subwoofers on a stand or bottom shelf of side table.  If you really do not care about appearances, a sturdy cardboard box works just fine.  Make sure to pull your television away from the wall six to eight inches.  Many televisions have part of the speaker mounted on the back but the television itself can transmit sound through its casing into the wall. 

If you have done all of this and you are still unsure if you might be THAT guy try this.  Turn on your devises one at a time and put them on the noise level you generally use.  Making sure not to lock yourself out, go outside your apartment and close the door.  Listen for a couple of minutes and see if you can hear anything from inside your apartment.  Often the exterior walls and doors to apartments are more insulated that the walls between apartments.  If you can hear your music and television outside your apartment with the door closed your are definitely in danger of quickly becoming THAT guy.

Turn your volume down or get headphones and turn the volume up all you want.  You can even knock on your neighbors door and ask them to tell you if thing get too loud for them.  You can even point them to this blog!

Workout Equipment

If tenants live below you, they also live below your workout equipment.  If you must have workout equipment make sure it is as quiet as possible.  Most stationary bikes or rowing machines do not make much noise in your apartment but they transmit tremendous vibration through the floor from the resistance mechanisms that deliver that great workout.  It is impossible to muffle the vibrations from those types of machines.  Workout stations or weights for toning and muscle building use a different resistance so they do not send out as much vibration.  However, put a pad under them since you will probably drop something from time to time.  The bad will absorb most of the shock and will keep you from becoming THAT guy.

These tips are incredibly useful and important as more people choose to live in apartments and condominiums. 

Please send suggestion on problems you have living in an apartment and perhaps we can find a solution.  Tune in again as we begin our discussion on approaching and dealing with THAT guy.