Dealing With THAT Guy

Many of us apartment dwellers know, dealing with neighbors is a delicate situation even in the best of circumstances. However, with a little understanding and a plan you can overcome any neighbor situation. Remember three things when dealing with a neighbor:

• Have a plan

• Be specific

• Remain calm even when it seems impossible

These tips apply whether you are welcoming a new neighbor to the building, engaging in cordial interactions, or dealing with THAT guy.

Have a Plan

First, have a plan. When dealing with a neighbor have a plan of what you will do when you approach your neighbor. I dread having to do the 3AM door knock when I know I have an meeting first thing in the morning.  "I will give THAT guy five more minutes and then I am REALLY going to say something." Having a plan starts here. Know your threshold for taking action.

Here is a common situation. Do you remember your noise machine from yesterday’s post? If you can hear THAT guy over your "barrier" know when you will react. Once again, remember there is a certain level of noise you cannot avoid. Even I have been careless and left my volume up on my computer while using headphones and when I use the speakers, it blasts for a second or two until I turn it down. Please, forgive your neighbor for that. However, if the volume does not go down set a time limit or a number of occurrences if THAT guy is making a sporadic noise. Once you reach this point act! Not having a plan and not knowing when to act will make it impossible for you to address the specific issue or to remain calm.

Make sure to have a plan for dealing with THAT guy. This is where being specific and remaining calm come into play. You must know how you will address the situation. If THAT guy has the music up so loud your knock cannot be heard have the resolve to knock again. When THAT guy comes to the door be specific about what is bothering you.

Be Specific

Second, when speaking to any neighbor be specific about what is bothering you. Instead of saying, “Pardon me THAT guy but can you turn your music down,” try saying, “I can hear the lyrics from your music in my bedroom and I have a meeting first thing in the morning. Can you please turn your music down?” By making this a specific issue you have focused the even on how you are affected and not on how THAT guy lives his or her life.

Remain Calm

Finally, remaining calm can prove difficult even in cordial settings. However, when dealing with THAT guy, getting upset and taking off to the bang on the door just to have a confrontation outside THAT guys apartment will do less to deliver the results you want and do more to foster long term resentment. This resentment will make it difficult to resolve later issues or to work toward eliminating them all together.